


Spinning Around I'm Weightless

by smearedeyes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Oral Sex, closeting, homophobic undertones, ive never posted on ao3 idk what to tag, rugby au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:13:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3382835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smearedeyes/pseuds/smearedeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry never thought he would meet his "celebrity" crush let alone quite literally bump into him, but now he has a wet t-shirt and a fit boy apologising to him and he's not really sure what's going on.</p><p>or Louis is the next big thing for the English rugby team and Harry is a fan; they meet at the clubhouse and day by day become closer and closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spinning Around I'm Weightless

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [ Maddie](http://upinthefluff.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this at such short notice and to [Kiera](http://but-then-you-say-my-name.tumblr.com/) for looking it over for me.
> 
> Wonderful [ fanmix](https://8tracks.com/sparkplugx/sorry-got-distracted-by-someone-complimenting-me) is courtesy of [Lindsey](http://its-social-implications.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> Also thanks to B & A for encouraging me through this no matter how whingey I was.
> 
> It took me a solid year to write this as I hadn't written in a long time and I've never written anything for this fandom before. I hope you all enjoy it, I know it's not the greatest thing ever written, but I'm proud of it.
> 
> You can find me at my [tumblr](http://ilikeyourharrystyles.tumblr.com/) or my [twitter](http://twitter.com/smearedeyes).

Harry shoves himself down the row of chairs towards his best mates being careful not to spill the round of pints he just bought. When a pint costs four quid you know to treat it like it's a newborn. You can get the exact same pint in Wetherspoons for half the price but there's no point complaining because it's just part of the atmosphere and fun of seeing his local rugby club.

“Anything happen whilst I was away?” He says as he passes out the plastic cups. It makes more sense to get drinks while the teams are still playing so you don’t get caught in massive queues but it’s always a risk because you could miss the best action of the whole game in the few minutes it takes.

“Cueto made a good break and Tomlinson nearly scored from it but Flood caught him 5 meters short of the try line. But then someone from Leicester was offside - I don’t care enough to remember who it was - so we got a penalty,” Zayn tells him before taking a sip of his lager.

Harry squints at the scoreboard to see that Sale, his favourite and home team, were indeed 3 points up since the last time he looked at it. That was a bit of a disappointment; it would’ve been much better had Tomlinson managed to score the try, where a member of the team runs into the end of the pitch and touches the ball to the ground, as they would’ve had 5 points. Had they done that they would’ve had the chance to kick at the posts for a conversion, worth 2 points but it was better than nothing. And despite Harry being an avid rugby fan for 6 or 7 years now, he still didn’t totally understand the offside rule; something about not being allowed past the foot of the furthest back person in a ruck or something like that. He really should read up on it so he can moan with the rest of his friends but that was just too much effort for him.

“Harry, mate, Tomlinson was looking a bit sore after that last tackle, you might want to go defend his honour or something,” James calls over everyone’s heads.

“Fuck off,” He replies with a grin. Ok, so maybe Harry has a massive crush on Louis Tomlinson, but who wouldn’t? He’s young, fit and, in Harry’s eyes, the best scrum half England has seen in a long time. So good that he stole the position from Danny Care on the international squad after only his second season playing for the senior clubs. It’s not like Harry could do anything about his crush, Louis was pretty famous as rugby players go, and Harry’s almost certain the guy is straight after seeing numerous headlines of him being out on the town with model after model. Not that that means anything in this day and age. But being gay and playing rugby is not the most popular thing, especially playing for an international squad. The first international player to ever come out was Gareth Thomas in 2009 and he had retired at that point. No one has done so since, to the best of Harry’s knowledge.

"If you want to do something about that crush, I've got someone who can get us in to the clubhouse easily. I obviously don't know if he'll be there but it's worth a shot," Ed whispers in Harry's ear.

Ed Sheeran was one of Harry's closest friends besides Zayn. They met during Harry's first year of uni, before Harry had really known what degree he wanted to do. All he knew was he wanted to do something with media and Ed was doing a postgrad directing course so he could film his own music videos and was helping the professor with the class. They instantly clicked and Harry decided to do a degree in film after taking the course.

"I don't know if I should agree to that or not because I know you lot will never let me hear the end of it," Harry says before taking a sip of his drink.

"Go on," Zayn says, "you'll regret it if you don't go, and if he's not there you can just get completely sloshed instead."

"Uh... Ok, but um, if any of you bring it up again, just remember that you were the ones who convinced me to go."

"Shut up you arsehole, you know you're dying to go," James says before turning around to watch the match again, basically ending the conversation.

Harry also met James Corden in his first year of uni after popping down to an open mic night at the local comedy club. This was before James became confident in his humor and just spoke a load of nonsense, but Harry being Harry, he enjoyed listening and bought James a drink when he'd finished his set.

Going to the clubhouse after the match could become very problematic, especially if Louis Tomlinson is actually there. Harry is an embarrassment to himself sober, so god knows what he would do after an afternoon of steady drinking in the same room as his “celebrity crush”, if you can call a slightly famous rugby player a celebrity. But James was right; if he were to miss out, he would probably spend the rest of his life kicking himself, wondering “what if”. What would he even do if Louis were to show? As if he would actually have the audacity to just go and speak to him.

Harry is brought out of his thoughts by people screaming and yelling around him. Sale has made another break through the Leicester defense and of course it’s Louis who is running straight towards the try line uncontested. The Leicester players are just stood watching in awe. On a good day Louis can be faster than Bryan Habana, famously known for outrunning a cheetah. He probably should be a centre and not a scrum-half for this reason, but his personality screams the position he plays. Scrum halves are there to organise the rest of the team and get the ball out once a tackle has been made. They are there to put the ball into a scrum and complain immediately if someone engages too early or if the scrum twists. Louis Tomlinson has a bossy boots personality and he’s not afraid to kick off when things don’t go his way.

The screen shows a picture of Tomlinson after he casually places the ball on the ground to win Sale another five points. He flicks his fringe and smirks, sauntering towards his team mates collecting high fives. Maybe that’s why Harry likes him so much: Louis knows he’s good but he never celebrates inappropriately. He never partakes in unnecessary showmanship unlike a few players, some who like to swan dive (which is incredibly dangerous let alone pathetic). He also hasn’t become cocky from all the attention. Or so it would appear to Harry after seeing most of the interviews he’s done and listened to what people have said about him; he seems like your nice, average guy who is just very good at what he does.

Harry turns his head and realises that his three friends are all looking at him grinning. He flicks his middle finger up at them, rolls his eyes and smiles as he takes a few gulps of his pint, which is more than half way drank by this point, even though he’s sure he was only just at the bar.

He shouldn’t really complain because watching the game live with his best mates is about ten times better than watching it on telly with his mum and sister (he goes home from uni most weekends that he isn’t at a game, being the homebody he is ). Every time he watches it with them he has to explain that you can’t pass forwards, and that to score a try you need to place the ball on the ground past the try line. He has to tell them the way points are scored every time as well (seven points for a converted try, five points for a regular try and three for a penalty or drop goal). He probably shouldn’t even bother trying to explain really, he knows his mum isn’t paying attention to him and is just staring at the bum of whoever is on screen. Sometimes he feels like he may as well just leave the house.

Ok so maybe he’s being a bit dramatic but he doesn’t know why they even bother watching it with him if they still don’t get it after the thirty or so games they’ve watched with him. It’s nice to have company, but he’d rather watch the game than talk over it.

About ten minutes later the game is over, Sale winning 31-10. Tomlinson is made man of the match and the crowd starts to pour out of the stands.

“So, are we going to the clubhouse then?” Zayn asks as he lights the cigarette in his mouth.

“Of course we are. Harry needs a good shag. It’s been like three years,” James boisterously punches Harry in the arm with a beaming smile.

“It’s been two months, for gods sake. But I suppose we could go, may as well check it out.”

Ed winks at Harry, knowing that when the younger man says “check it out” he means get spectacularly pissed. At least Harry’s life is nothing less than exciting and interesting.

 

Apparently it’s Harry’s lucky, or unlucky depending on what happens, night. Louis Tomlinson is at the clubhouse, laughing and smiling and Harry is a bit too intimidated to walk over and speak to him when he doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of a buzz yet. And his friends know this, so what do they do ? They buy him shots; which was a feat in itself since they usually won’t buy each other drinks. But, evidently, they are more invested in Harry’s sex life than he originally thought.

Then again, it is apparently his round and if they leave after this then those shots don’t count. Harry bumps into someone on his way to the bar, managing to spill the person’s drink all over them and also his own white t-shirt. What makes it worse is when he looks up he sees that said person is Louis Tomlinson.

“Oh God, I’m.. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Let me get you another one,” Harry rushes out.

“Don’t be silly, it’s just a bit of liquid. Your t-shirt, however, is wrecked. I’m very sorry about that. I’m going to have to buy you a replacement,” Louis grins, and Harry decides that would be the perfect time to look into Louis’ eyes. And ok, he might have just died looking into the crystal clear blue eyes of Louis Tomlinson. Thankfully, he manages to remain standing.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry mumbles. “It’s fine. It’s only a plain white t-shirt; I’m sure it’ll wash out. If it doesn’t I’ll just go to Primark and buy a new one for a couple of quid.”

“At least let me get you a drink, yeah?”

“Oh alright,” Harry concedes. He may be polite, but he’s a poor student; if someone offers to buy you a drink you take them up on that offer. Especially if that someone is a slightly famous and very handsome man who you would have no problem getting up close and personal with. He had been heading towards the bar anyway, rejecting Louis’ offer would just seem rude.

When they reach the bar, Louis is served almost immediately, ordering himself a bottle of Innis & Gunn Rum Finish before turning to Harry, eyebrows raised.

“Uh, could I have a Corona please?”

“Sure.” Louis tells the barman Harry’s order before turning back to the curly haired student. “So what brings you here?”

“Me and my friends wanted a pint after the game, and didn't really want to go into town since the footie was on today as well.”

Louis hands the barman his money and passes Harry his drink. They move away from the bar so more people can take their space.

“Yeah, not really a fan of the football crowd myself, either,” Louis takes a sip from his bottle, uncertainty written all over his features. Or that’s what it seems like to Harry, he doesn’t exactly know the rugby player very well so he could just have that expression normally. “Would you, uh, would you like to join me?”

Harry’s eyes widen in a slight panic. If he were to go with Louis, his friends would tease him all night and never let him forget it. He would also probably make a dog’s dinner of any conversation they were to have and leave Louis thinking that he’s an absolute nutter. “I should probably get back to my friends, I’ve been gone for like ten minutes.”

“Right yeah, sure,” Louis’ face crumples, or at least that’s how it looks to Harry.

Harry isn’t exactly known for his spontaneity, so he shocks himself when his next words come out of his mouth. “But, I mean I can’t speak for the rest of them, but you’re welcome to join us. I don’t think I’d ever live it down if they found out I basically rejected England’s star scrum half.”

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s teasing, “Yeah, ok.”

Harry leads the way back to his table. He feels a strange sense of familiarity with Louis; he feels a lot more comfortable around him than a person should do with someone they’d met ten minutes ago.

His friends all verbally attack him when they see him, so Harry’s not exactly sure who says what:

“Oh there you are. Where’s our drinks?”

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Never mind that, have you wet yourself?”

“Fuck off. I was getting your drinks when someone bumped into me,” Harry defends himself, looking around having noticed Louis isn’t right behind him.

“Yeah that explains why you've got a damp patch at your crotch but not where our drinks are,” James teases.

Louis picks that moment to catch up to Harry after being waylaid by a fan.

“Sorry, got distracted by someone complimenting me,” He says with a wink to Harry before turning and grinning at Harry’s friends. “Introduce us then.”

“Guys you know who this is. Louis, this is Zayn, Ed and James.” Harry points each man out before pulling up an extra chair for Louis and sitting back in his own, which just so happens to be next to Louis’.

“Now I see why you didn’t get our drinks,” Ed smirks across the table.

“Fuck off,” Harry coughs.

“I suppose I’ll go get ours then,” James gets out of his seat and heads to the bar.

Zayn and Ed restart the conversation they were having before Harry and Louis joined them, discussing whether Brian O’Driscoll will ever retire. Louis weighs in occasionally as it is his area of expertise. Harry isn’t quite sure how he managed it, but he thinks he’s making friends with his favourite rugby player and he is a-okay with that. Harry is fairly certain that Louis has friends in the team who he could be speaking to but instead he’s spending time with some guy he just met. This probably shouldn’t make Harry as happy as it does. It’s not likely that it means anything apart from showing how friendly Louis is.

The night continues in this bizarre way, with Louis’ friends and teammates, Niall Horan and Liam Payne, joining them. It ends with Louis and Harry swapping numbers and promising to “do this again sometime”. So the night turned out to be very lucky for Harry, at lot more so than he had originally expected.

 

hey its Louis… tomlinson ? we met a couple weeks ago ? i was just wondering if you were gonna be at the match saturday ? we could get drinks at the clubhouse after or elsewhere ?

Hey Louis, I should be at the match, as long as nothing big happens before then. And yeah, I’d be down for drinks

It takes Harry a good few hours before he can reply to Louis’ completely unexpected text. He’s glad his friends aren’t around to see his reaction. He doesn’t quite do a whole acrobatic routine or anything but he does have a mile wide grin.

Harry then has to remind himself that whilst he will be spending time with his “celebrity crush” there’s no way in hell he’s going to get anywhere romantically with Louis if the print media is to be believed. And whilst he isn’t one to believe everything he reads in the Daily Mail, it’s quite difficult to ignore all the pictures of the rugby player in some sort of embrace with numerous different women.

But hey at least he’ll hopefully be making a new friend and he’s always happy enough to do that.

Sale plays the Wasps and beats them, but only by a narrow margin. A win is a win though, and that’s all that counts. Harry is fairly certain that he sees Louis smile at him a few times. However he’s in a rugby ground filled with people so it’s highly unlikely that he was looking directly at Harry. And they met once, Louis probably doesn’t even remember what Harry looks like. Harry isn’t even sure if Louis wants to hang out with all of them or just him, but he’ll take what he can get.

You played really well today :) See you at the clubhouse .x

He quite possibly could’ve left the text without the kiss but he normally puts kisses at the end of his texts and he had already sent it before he realised that Louis might take it the wrong way. But what’s a harmless text kiss between friends?

The guys groan a bit about Harry ditching them but that quickly turns into teasing. Harry has to remind them that Louis is just a friend and nothing is going to happen despite his massive crush. Louis is straight anyway so it doesn't matter what Harry wants.

When Louis arrives Harry has already grabbed a table just for them and has bought Louis a drink to pay him back for buying him a drink last time they hung out. It took him this long simply because Louis had refused to let Harry buy him one, so this way he couldn’t put up a fight.

Louis is all smiles, on a high after the win. Sale are well on their way to the Aviva Premiership final if they continue winning games the way they have been.

“Hey! Did you have a good time at the match?” Louis asks when he sits opposite Harry.

“Yeah, of course I did. It was a bit tense, but I imagine it was worse for you,” Harry laughs, taking a sip from his bottle of beer.

“All in a day’s work. How’s uni going?”

“Same old, same old. Exams are coming soon though and I’m procrastinating starting revision by watching Buffy on Netflix,” Harry slouches back in his chair.

"Good choice. I might rewatch that in the off season."

"Hmm, are you looking forward to some time off?"

"Yes and no, it'll be nice to get a break," Louis sighs leaning back in his seat, stretching his arms out on the arm rests.

"And why the no?"

"I won't have an excuse to hang out with you," Louis smiles at his new acquaintance, dips his head and has a sip of his drink

Harry's cheeks tinge pink because in his mind that sounded like Louis is flirting with him, but that probably wasn't the intention at all.

"You don't need an excuse. Just text me if you want to chill and I'll probably be available. I'll probably praise you at your feet for giving me something to get away from revision hell," Harry giggles. He bites his lip fearing he overstepped the mark and came off a bit too desperate.

Louis smiles. “You have exams soon? I should not be distracting you.”

“I wouldn’t be a good student if I didn't procrastinate and get distracted, would I?” Harry smirks, hoping the rugby player will get the hint.

“Thats true. I don’t want you to fail because of me though.”

“Well it’s my decision,” Harry circles the rim of his glass before pulling away and crossing his arms defiantly.

“Okay… if you’re sure?”

“Very,” Harry grins. 

Louis smiles at Harry over the rim of his drink and bites his lip before looking away and noticing someone waving at him. The person, someone Harry thinks he’s seen play for Sale once or twice but doesn’t recognise him, comes over and has a quick conversation with Louis.

The rest of Harry's night is spent with Louis and his teammates, who Harry is slightly star struck over. It's not like he'd been watching these people play since they debuted, having gone to games since he was 6 years old thanks to a school trip which had hooked him to the sport.

By the end of the night everyone has had a bit too much to be safe driving themselves home and the grounds of the club are a bit out of the city so most people get taxis. Louis joins Harry in a private car as everyone knows that getting a black cab is just asking to be ripped off.

"Do you live near me?" Harry asks when he notices Louis following him in.

"No," Louis laughs, "I just wanted to make sure you got home okay, and apologise because we didn’t really get long to talk."

"I'm an adult, I know how to get home," Harry says petulantly.

The taxi driver grunts asking for an address. Louis lives the complete opposite direction to Harry, which caused another slight disagreement from Harry.

"Mate, you forget, I'm a professional international rugby player; I can afford a taxi fare."

Harry pouts, slightly put out, but that doesn't last long as he isn't exactly sober and a drunk Harry is an easily amused Harry.

"We should do this again sometime, but like without half my team appearing and joining us."

"I didn't mind them joining us, they were nice… but you’re nicer,” Harry drunkenly mumbles, lacking a brain to mouth filter thanks to the alcohol he’s consumed.

Louis smiles and laughs at Harry."It was supposed to be just us though."

"It's alright, but if you're that upset about it then sure we can meet up again. But maybe next time for coffee, or something as I don't think my study schedule can handle too many nights out right now. Wait are you even allowed to drink coffee, like is that part of the diet you're allowed? You drink beer so I don’t see why not. You’re not very good at this healthy athlete diet thing, are you?" Harry’s drunken babbling was getting worse by the second. He wishes he could stop talking but that apparently wasn’t going to happen anytime in the near future.

"I'm disgusted that you think I drink coffee. It's tea or nothing. Yorkshire preferably. But of course I'm allowed to drink it, just not too much milk."

They pull up outside Harry's flat on the outskirts of the campus of University of Manchester. Harry hands Louis a five pound note to pay for his part of the fare but Louis won't take it.

"Don't worry about it, I'd rather you spent that money on food or something, you're awful skinny. I'll have to show you to my weight room."

Harry sighs but puts his money back in his pocket. As he gets up to leave Louis pulls him back down and hugs him, and not a lame bro-hug, a proper hug. Louis smells of Armani, Ariel washing detergent and sweat. Harry could probably stay in the embrace for a long time but that would probably scare Louis away and that's the last thing he wants to do.

Harry leaves the cab and heads towards his front door. He turns to wave and stumbles over a paving slab. His pride is hurt more than his arse is however, knowing that Louis is probably laughing at him and will likely not let him forget it.

Harry scurries to his front door, fumbling over his keys he opens his door and sighs after closing it. It could’ve been worse, falling over whilst drunk isn’t the end of the world. He could’ve told Louis all about the massive crush he has on him and scared him off forever, but that didn’t happen, so really the night was mostly a success.

Zayn is nowhere in sight, so is probably in bed. He doesn’t really like going out with the other lads without Harry. Not that he doesn’t like them, he just doesn’t feel incredibly comfortable without Harry there as they are his friends and not Zayn’s. He is quite the introvert, so social situations make him a bit anxious.

After Harry pours himself a glass of water, knowing that if he doesn’t hydrate himself he will have a pounding head in the morning, he heads to bed. The duvet he wraps himself into isn’t anywhere near as comforting or nice or Louis’ embrace but he eventually falls into a slumber.

 

Louis suggests his favourite café to Harry a few days after the match, along with all the times he’s free from training.

I’m free on Thursday but only for an hour - H .x

Harry assumes Louis knows it’s him but he signs all of his texts like that and he isn’t about to stop now.

I’m sure we can talk about enough within an hour. See you then xx

Ok, two kisses, Harry can deal with that. Louis probably sends two kisses to everyone he knows. The school boy crush doesn’t seem to be going away despite actually knowing Louis and there being an ever present reminder in the back of his mind that Louis is straight.

Harry tries not to make a habit out of falling for straight guys but it doesn’t really work out that way, he always ends up being attracted to the wrong guys. First there was his sixth form maths teacher, which was obviously doomed to fail regardless of whether the teacher was straight or gay. Then there was Zach, one of his flatmates in halls who flirted with him then suddenly found a girlfriend in second semester. And that guy in the coffee shop, who he liked for all of two days before he saw him at a club pulling a girl.

He isn’t a stranger to rejection and yet he can’t seem to help but fall for the wrong guys. He’d rather have Louis as a friend than not at all though, so he’ll get over his feelings eventually.

 

Louis is sat at a table for two when Harry arrives, which he supposes is a good thing, in case people will try join them. Then again, who would actually appear at 4pm in this random cafe off some back alley in the middle of Manchester and sit with them?

The school boy crush isn’t likely to go away soon, Harry is almost sure of it, not with Louis looking and dressing the way he does. Apparently Louis has managed to find the one place in the world which sells skinny jeans which fit the thighs of a male rugby player and the arse of a glamour model. And they were more than just skinny, they were basically painted on. His t-shirt wasn’t much looser. On top of all that he has week old stubble and incredibly fluffy hair.

Harry turns away from Louis before he gets a stiffy and heads to the counter to order a green tea.

Louis gets up when Harry approaches the table; unsure of what to do, he grabs Harry’s empty hand and shakes it. A hug would be too soon and sitting down again after doing nothing would make him look like a complete weirdo.

“What the hell are you drinking?” Louis asks after looking in Harry’s cup.

“Green tea, it’s good for you.”

“It tastes like stagnant water.”

Harry pouts. “I just like to eat healthy things.”

“I’m only teasing, love. Sit down. How was uni?” Louis places his hands under his chin and rests his elbows on the table ready to listen to Harry intently, looking like a five year old. He grins and stares right into Harry’s eyes, waiting.

“It was ok, I had to hand in my plan or my dissertation for next year, which I’m probably going to end up changing my mind about in two weeks. Then I went to the library and worked on an essay that I have due in a couple weeks, where I saw a guy watching porn and stroking himself very obviously. So I finished up there as quickly as possible and went to my lecture about production. There was a fire alarm in the middle though so it was pretty pointless, I had a nice chat with-” Harry is cut off by a hand being pressed against his mouth.

“Harry, you’re rambling, I only asked how your day was, you didn’t have to tell me every intimate detail,” Louis giggles.

Harry ducks his head. “Sorry, I don’t realise I’m doing it. How was training?”

“It was alright, they’re pushing us harder now since we’re in the quarter finals. At least in four weeks I’ll be on holiday for summer,” Louis grins, leaning back in his chair, an air of relaxation about him.

“Have you got anything planned?”

“I’ll probably take a few weeks to go to the south of France after the summer tests - if I get picked for them - and then after that it’s back into the light training camps with the new members for the next season.”

“Should they not have told you already if you’re going to New Zealand?!”

“Ok so I already know I’m going but it’s not official, so shhh,” Louis puts his finger to his lips and winks.

“I’ll just have to sit here and pine until you’re back then,” Harry playfully pouts.

“Nah, you’ll hardly realise I’m gone.”

“You’re going to New Zealand and then France, I think I will.”

“I’m not that great, I think you’ll be alright,” Louis shrugs before bringing one foot to rest on the set of his chair.

“Let’s agree to disagree.”

Louis smiles coyly at Harry before nodding his head. “I know I’ll miss you though.”

“You won’t have time to miss me, you’ll be too busy beating the All Blacks.”

“Ha! I may believe in the talents of my team mates but I seriously doubt we’ll beat them. You know they’re sneaky bastards.”

Harry pauses, uncertain over what to reply to that before realising his stomach is gurgling somewhat. “I’m gonna get a banana, do you want anything to eat?”

“Nah I’m okay, thanks.”

Once Harry returns with the fruit in hand, he peels it upside down and takes a bite. Louis’ eyes all but glaze over looking at Harry with a phallic shaped fruit in his mouth. He shakes himself out of his stupor and looks at his watch.

“I’m sorry Haz, but I have to get to a meeting with my publicist,” Louis picks up his phone off the table and begins texting someone without looking, instead smiling softly at Harry.

Haz? Ok, thats a new one. He assumes Louis said it because he was in a rush but he’s definitely not adverse to nicknames.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you again soon, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Harry sips his tea and watches Louis leave, paying particularly close attention to his perky bum. As Harry finishes his tea he thinks about the way Louis reacted to him eating a banana and whether it was significant or if he just was shocked that Harry had fruit instead of a cake or a packet of crisps.

When he gets home it’s to the smell of spices which means Zayn is cooking one of his mum’s curry recipes. If he hadn’t seen Louis this would’ve been the highlight of Harry’s week as Tricia Malik’s recipes were the greatest thing Harry had ever tasted and Zayn recreated them very well.

Zayn’s leaning over the stove, mixing sauce when his best friend walks in.

“Alright mate, where have you been?” Zayn asks after hearing Harry’s footsteps.

“I was getting coffee with Louis,” Harry tries to downplay it, like its an everyday occurrence, but he knows Zayn will pick up on it immediately; Harry is never good at downplaying anything.

“Louis… as in Louis Tomlinson. What the fuck bro why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He sets the spoon down and looks at Harry, a little put out.

“I don’t know, I guess I was too excited,” Harry shrugs with a grin.

“You didn’t like jizz your pants or anything, did you?” Zayn raises his eyebrows and smirks at his best friend.

“Piss off.”

Zayn winks at Harry before bringing his spoon to his mouth to try the sauce. “I have the night off work so I thought I’d cook for a change.”

“You know it doesn’t bother me cooking every night. I’d rather you have something to eat when you get in than having to go even longer without food.”

“I still feel bad that you cook five nights out of seven for me, especially when I know how to.”

“Like I say everytime you freak out about this, it’s my choice and I’m happy to do it.”

After dinner Harry and Zayn watch a bit of tv, fighting over whether to watch Eastenders or Coronation Street respectively. Zayn eventually wins saying that he cooked and that the BBC iPlayer was much better quality than the ITV counterpart.

Harry then tries to do coursework and reading his notes from his classes but he’s too easily distracted the minute he receives a text from Louis asking if he wants to hang out sometime soon since he had a good time earlier and was sorry that he had to leave so abruptly. After that all thought of trying to be productive flies out the window. Harry can’t stop thinking about how blue Louis’ eyes are and what a nice figure he has and so on until he face plants onto his desk caught between being extremely frustrated that he has no chance with Louis and ridiculously turned on. And then he goes to bed.

...After having what was a very guilty wank.

 

A week or so before the team is supposed to leave for the games in New Zealand, Louis decides it’s time that they hang out with his and Harry’s best friends together. Harry isn’t so sure whether to invite James and Ed over; despite loving them he knows that they would spend the whole time ribbing him and he’s not in the mood for that as he wants to focus all his attention on getting to know Louis more and see what he’s like around his friends.

In the end Ed and James make the decision for him, both of them busy with their real life jobs on the day that was picked. So Harry and Zayn make their way to the park the Louis had said was a good place to just hang out and maybe play some touch rugby. Louis had said he was going to bring a picnic but from the time Harry had spent with him he knew he wasn’t a good cook so his fingers were crossed that the food was all pre-prepared.

Of course Louis shows up with Niall Horan and Liam Payne, Ireland’s star centre and England’s up and coming number 8 respectively, who also play for Sale with Louis. Harry had briefly met them once or twice with Louis at the clubhouse but hadn’t had much time to talk to them as there was always someone whisking him or them away.

“Alright lads?” Louis asks, settling himself down next to Harry on the grass. “This is Liam and Niall. But I’m sure you already knew that.”

“This is my best mate Zayn, we go to uni together.”

Everyone shakes hands and then they get right back up again after deciding to play touch rugby first and then get food later when they’ve worked off the energy and need to replenish it.

“I’ll go on Harry’s team and you three go together.” Louis suggests.

“Ok but I warn you, I’m appalling.” Harry isn’t entirely sure this is how it’s supposed to go when you’re getting to know people, more ideally he would be on a team with Liam and Niall and Zayn would be with Louis so they could spend time with each other’s friends but Harry isn’t about to complain about being on the same team as Louis.

Harry demonstrates how bad he is the second he gets his first touch of the ball by falling over immediately.

“Haz, you’re supposed to stay upright you know?” Louis rhetorically asks walking up with his hand on his hips. He puts his hand out for Harry to grab onto and pull himself up.

“To be fair Louis… you did trip in the final a couple weeks so he’s probably just trying to copy you,” Niall shouts.

Louis puts his middle finger up at Niall, grinning from ear to ear. Harry grabs Louis’ hand but makes sure he doesn’t hold onto it longer than would be considered normal. He doesn’t want Louis getting any ideas of his attraction towards him.

“Yeah alright Nialler, we won though didn’t we. Champions of the premiership can trip every now and again.”

They play for a good half hour, keeping up a regular flow of banter; Niall and Liam are very easy to get on with. Harry tries very hard to make sure no one is aware when he’s staring at Louis’ bum, but Zayn definitely catches him a handful of times with a wink.

After that they all collapse on the grass and Louis opens a bag from Marks and Spencer's and Harry breathes a sigh of relief as Louis pulls out a mixture of different pre-packaged sandwiches and crisps and fruit. Harry immediately grabs a banana and a simple cheese sandwich and leans back, peeling the banana from the wrong end (which Harry will always say is actually the right end because it's the way monkeys peel it thank you very much).

He picks up on Louis looking at him again and ok maybe this time he purposefully took a banana after what happened when they met at the cafe. Sue him.

The conversation is mostly about rugby, music and weed. Zayn has always been a smoker, as long as Harry has known him and it never bothered him, at least it wasn't heavier drugs, and Zayn is always so pent up and anxious that Harry can understand that he just needs something to help him relax a little from time to time. He's, however, shocked to find out that Louis and Liam smoke from time to time as well, but they have to be very careful about it as its, obviously, a banned substance in the sporting world, so the only time they can involve themselves with it is in the off season.

"Nah, bro just let me know when you can and you can totally come over, I get some great shit." Harry hears Zayn say, immediately turning to him with wide, questioning eyes. He never thought Zayn would be the first one to invite Louis over to their house but here he is.

“Niall, do you smoke?” Zayn asks.

“Nah, just give me a pint and I’m happy, I’m Irish.”

“Liam didn’t use to smoke or drink or do anything to be honest with you,” Louis says, with a small giggle. “He apparently only had one kidney, but the second one suddenly miraculously reappeared recently.”

“I told you, my parents never explained it to me properly ok!” Liam defends himself. Up close, Harry realises that Liam looks a little like a puppy, and if Harry were into the more beefy scrum players then Liam would be the guy for him, but there seemed to put some sort of chemistry between Liam and Zayn and Harry’s eyes were only for Louis at this point.

“It’s alright Liam, you can come over anyway.” Zayn smiles before taking out a cig from his packet and lighting up. A mannerism of Zayn’s that Harry knows happens when Zayn is a little anxious. So yeah, a little chemistry between the pair, but Harry can’t get a good gauge of Liam. Niall is easy to read, he’s so laidback he clearly doesn’t give a fuck about anything. Liam clearly has a lot of walls put up around him and doesn’t like to let go often. But he seems nice enough and obviously below the thick layer of skin is someone worth spending time with since he was Louis’ best friend.

Louis pulls his phone out his pocket and takes a quick intake of breath.

“Lads we need to go, we’re gonna be late for training.” This triggers a quick rush of movement from the three rugby players and before he knows it Harry is being hugged by Louis.

“It was good to hang out with Zayn and the guys. Text me later yeah Haz?” He says in a low voice, so Harry knows it’s just for him to hear.

After they’ve left it’s just him and Zayn. Zayn lies back on the grass, taking another drag from his cigarette.

“They were nice. I hope they can come over. You and Louis seemed super close,” He smirks as he trails off.

“Shut up Zayn, you know he doesn’t swing that way,” Harry sighs, starting to make movements to go as well, he has a shift at work soon. “What about you and Liam though? You definitely hit it off?”

Zayn hits him in the leg but keeps his mouth shut. Harry settles for that win and says bye to his best friend.

 

By the middle summer in between Harry’s second and final year of university, he spends most of his time with Louis. Whilst Louis was in New Zealand they contacted each other nearly every day, texting each other little things about their days or things to make the other laugh and Harry was finding himself to be quite smitten, not that he would ever admit to it. After Louis returned he and Harry spent a lot of time together, be it passing a ball around in the park (so as to help Harry learn how to put a good spin when throwing) or playing long rounds on the Xbox or when Louis, Liam and Niall came over to hang out. Harry got to know Niall and Liam quite well despite the fact he only saw them every few weeks or so and didn’t text them continuously unlike Louis.

Harry’s eyes had bulged when he first stepped through the front door of Louis’ flat; everything was shining white like Louis had only just moved in. From first impressions, it was all one room, there was a set of stairs next to the kitchen which led up to what Harry assumed was Louis’ bedroom, or at least a room with a balcony that looked out onto the living room.

The kitchen was gleaming, whether it was because Louis didn’t use it or was just a ridiculously clean person Harry would figure out later.

They’re playing Madden (both boys having admitted to loving American Football) with Harry’s feet in Louis’ lap after Harry had brought over a take away. It’s comfortably quiet with the occasional outburst of anger at the video game. Harry wonders how he managed to be lucky enough to be friends with his favourite rugby player. The universe had to be smiling down on him that day he bumped into Louis for him to be a nice and forgiving guy. Harry isn’t really sure why Louis wanted to be friends with him to begin with but he is in no way complaining.

“Haz, do you want a beer?” Louis asks after getting off the couch and heading towards the kitchen.

“Nah, you’re alright, I’m going to head home soon.”

Louis pauses at the door, frowning. “Are you sure? You can totally stay the night if you want, you know that.”

Louis had said numerous times that Harry could sleep in his spare room whenever he wanted, but Harry never took him up on the offer, worried he would possibly see Louis in very few clothes and his heart would likely not be able to handle that.

“I have work at 9am it’s just easier if I’m at my house since it’s closer,” Harry shrugs. He does have work at 9am, but it’s honestly the same amount of distance to his work from Louis’ flat as it is from his home.

“I’d pay for your taxi and lend you some clothes,” Louis offers as a last ditch attempt, stepping back into the room and moving towards the couch once again.

Harry isn’t really too sure why Louis wants him to stay over so bad, it’s not like he doesn’t spend an ample amount of time with him. Now that classes are over and Louis only has a few training sessions a week Harry’s over at Louis’ flat what feels like every other day. Which really isn’t helping his crush.

“No seriously it’s ok, don’t worry about it.” Harry turns back to the telly hoping that the conversation is over; he hates letting Louis down.

“I feel like you’re purposefully dodging staying with me. I promise I don't have terrible halitosis or anything.” Louis states, which is laughable in itself. As if Harry would let himself close enough to Louis in the morning, when he’s all sleep rumpled, to be able to smell his breath.

“I promise it’s not on purpose,” Harry clears his throat and pouts. “It just hasn’t worked out right whenever you’ve asked me.”

“Hmm, okay.” Louis glares slightly, kicking Harry softly in the shin. “How about instead of me spontaneously asking you we plan it?”

“Are you inviting me to a sleepover?” A sly grin overcomes Harry’s face, loving the opportunity to take the piss out of Louis.

“Fuck off.”

Truthfully Harry would love to stay over at Louis’ flat, he would love to see him wandering around in his underwear. Harry is a truly self destructive man, he would probably follow Louis to the ends of the earth at this point. He’s so far gone for the rugby player, despite only knowing him a few months. He was already half in love before he met Louis, then he turned out to be wonderful as well as handsome and Harry was just hook, line and sinker.

 

Zayn begins to grow a bit sick of Harry’s pining by the time they start back at uni. Well, he more or less is sick to the back teeth of it all. He’s seen Harry do this a fair few times at this point. Liking someone quietly then letting them get away because he’s too scared to do anything. And he understands the fear, of course he does, most people do, but he just wishes Harry would just suck it up and at least tell Louis that he has feelings for him. He doesn’t have to ask him out on a date or anything like that.

The thing is, while Harry is fairly certain that Louis is straight, Zayn isn’t so sure. Of course in the media Louis has dated numerous models and the occasional singer, but Zayn isn’t oblivious to the use of bearding in the world of celebrities. He’s also not oblivious to the fond glances Louis shoots Harry’s way all the time, the way he’s always so aware of where the curly haired boy is in the room. There’s also the occasional camp mannerism; Louis has obviously been trained by someone in how to appear more straight but when he isn’t around cameras he isn’t so aware of it and let’s loose sometimes.

So yeah, Zayn is fairly certain that Louis is queer. He isn’t sure where he falls in the spectrum but that’s neither here nor there.

It all comes to a head when Harry comes home after a movie night at Louis’ whining about how he wishes he could stay the night and cuddle.

“Harry would you just fucking tell him already?” Zayn sighs, getting off the couch to grab a beer from the fridge.

“You know I can’t. I don’t want to mess up our friendship.”

“Who says it would mess up your friendship? You’ll could possibly fuck it up even more by not telling him because it’ll eat you up inside.”

“No it won’t, I’ll get over it.” Harry waves his hand, knowing Zayn can’t see it in the kitchen but he can’t help that he talks with his hands sometimes.

“I’m not so sure Harry, I’ve seen you have a crush on someone before, and they were no where near this intense.” Zayn says walking back into the room, handing Harry a beer and perching back down on the edge of the couch, turning towards his friend.

“It’s just because he was my celebrity crush. I’m probably just projecting.”

“Just tell him! Even if he doesn’t like you back I’m sure he won’t just stop being your friend. Yeah, it might be awkward for a while but things will go back to normal.” Zayn places a comforting hand on Harry’s knee, he knows how difficult it can be for him to find someone to have a romantic relationship with.

Harry has always had the fear of offending someone after flirting with them but Zayn has tried to explain to him that if they’re worth your time, regardless whether they are gay or straight or whatever, that they won’t be offended by Harry’s attention.

“I don’t-”

“Harry, if you continue to whine at me about this but do nothing about it, I won’t talk to you for a month.” Zayn raises his eyebrow, challenging Harry to say another word.

“But Zayn…” Harry whines, with a pout.

“I’m serious.”

Harry crosses his arms over his chest and falls back into the couch, flickering his gaze at the Gogglebox rerun on the telly.

“Come here.” Zayn sighs, pulling Harry into his chest and giving him a hug. “There’s nothing wrong with liking him you know. If he is straight I doubt he’d hate you or anything like that, he seems like a really good guy.”

“Of course he’s straight Zayn, he’s always pictured with beautiful women.” Harry glumly murmurs into Zayn’s arm.

“Jesus, have you never heard of beards? Louis is camper than most of the gay people I’m friends with, not that stereotypes are something you should base your knowledge of a person on. I think maybe you should at least entertain the idea that things aren’t always as they’re shown to be. At least try pushing the boundaries, and if he appears receptive of it go for it.”

“I’ll think about it.” Harry pulls away from his best friend and drinks half his bottle of beer in one go.

Zayn can’t really figure how Harry is such a confident person until it comes to his feelings for guys and just generally letting people know what he’s thinking. He’ll sit and talk to someone for hours and charm the living shit out of them but the minute they start talking about something a little too close to the bone he becomes very shy. No one can resist Harry really, so Zayn isn’t sure where his best friend’s massive fear of rejection has come from.

 

They’re watching some random crap on the tv, Harry isn’t too sure what but it doesn’t really matter, what matters is the way Louis’ body is pressed into his front. Harry is trying desperately to not pop a stiffy, but that’s becoming increasingly difficult with Louis’ warmth cuddled into him.

Harry just wants to wrap himself around Louis’ entire body and not let go, but Louis would probably be quite adverse to that, as would the whole of his rugby team. He isn’t entirely sure how he got to the point where he watches tv whilst cuddling with one of the best rugby players England has had in a long time but he is in no way complaining.

Louis begins to stroke Harry’s arm slowly, tensing when an unexpected explosion happens in the film they’re watching. Louis turns his head and stares at Harry before awkwardly adjusting his position and planting his lips on Harrys.

Harry stays still completely in shock for what feels like forever until he feels Louis pulling away. Worried that he would take it as rejection instead of confusion, Harry surges forward making sure their lips remain attached And then he completely forgets what you’re supposed to do when you kiss someone. Thankfully, Louis takes over, licking into Harry’s mouth and grinding into him. The next few minutes are a blur of gripping hands and messy kissing until Harry pulls away after regaining his senses slightly.

“I… I thought you were straight. I mean you, you get seen with all those women. Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry’s voice is full of confusion and panic, unsure of whether it was actually real or whether Louis managed to find out that Harry liked him and was playing a horrible joke on him.

“Haz, love, I’m sorry but I’ve been keeping this a secret for most of my life. I need to be seen with women otherwise people start questioning it. It’s not exactly ideal being a rugby player who is also gay. It’s still very much a public school lads’ club. I can’t risk people finding that out in the peak of my career. But I know I can trust you not to tell anyone.”

“Of course I wouldn’t.” Harry shakes his head so quickly he could get whiplash.

Louis grabs Harry’s hand, thumb rubbing his knuckles. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve grown rather fond of you, and I’m guessing the feeling’s mutual. But as I just told you I’m heavily closeted and I couldn’t ask you to go through the bullshit I go through and keeping you hidden. You would have to see me with a load of beautiful women who everyone is talking about me dating. We wouldn’t even be able to hold hands or be seen walking too close. I would love to take you out and I’m so sorry I can’t do that. It sucks that this is the world we live in.”

“Obviously I like you Louis, you’re lovely and charming and bloody gorgeous. You haven’t known me even a year yet, your job comes first. I would love to be more than friends with you but if you’d rather we remain how we are I can respect that.”

“I’m so sorry Harry. I wish it were possible, I really do. Honestly you’re one of the nicest and most incredibly guys I’ve ever met. You’re the first person I’ve met who has made me wish I wasn’t so strongly closeted really,” Louis bites his lip and continues to stroke Harry’s knuckles.

“Stop apologizing, I understand.”

“Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck.” Louis sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. “Can we go back to cuddling now please?”

“Duh,” Harry softly laughs, pulling Louis back in; the little spoon to his big spoon.

Typical. Everything about the situation is typical of Harry’s life. It was so nearly in his grasp and then reality snatched it away. Harry’s heart hurts, he’d set himself on Louis not returning his feelings, but knowing that he does like Harry back but can’t do anything about it is a million times worse. He’s also really not into the friends with benefits thing, having done that already and it ending up worse than it had started. He wouldn’t have the heart to be anything less than boyfriends anyway.

Zayn was going to have a field day with this, Harry thinks. Zayn was so insistent on Harry being wrong, that Louis actually did have feelings for him, he’ll probably say “I told you so” a fair few times before giving him a big hug.

They continue to watch the television, eventually Louis starts shifting around and wiggling, and it’s not doing wonders for Harry’s crotch. He can feel his dick begin to fill and tries to rearrange himself so that Louis doesn't pick up on it. Things don’t need to be anymore awkward and uncomfortable than they are already.

Louis grabs Harry’s hand from where is rested on the sofa cushion, intertwining their fingers. He nestles in closely to Harry, so much that he must be aware of Harry’s predicament. Harry gives up trying to subtly move and just lets fate decide what happens from then on.

Louis moves again, closer still, and then gasps quietly. Everything is silent for a few seconds apart from the low murmur of the tv.

"Fuck it." Louis whispers and pulls Harry into him. "I don't want to miss out on you because people are homophobic wankers."

Once again Louis presses his lips to Harry’s, their bodies flush against each other. Harry wraps his hand around Louis’ neck and falls backwards so that Louis is on top of him, his legs on either side of Harry’s torso, their crotches slowly grinding against each other as their mouths slid against each other frantically. Harry’s fingers twist into Louis’s hair as Louis grips Harry’s shoulders looking for some sort of purchase.

Eventually they pull away from each other. Harry almost forgets to breathe whilst staring into Louis' eyes. Ok so this is happening: Louis is actually throwing caution to the wind and saying he wants to be with Harry regardless of his career. Like he thinks Harry is worth it.

"Harry, would you please go on a date with me? If things go well we can talk about where we go from there but it won't be easy. I know they say they support the queer community and everything but no one has ever come out this early in their career whilst playing for England. I hate living this lie but it's either this or do something I fucking hate for a living." Louis pretty much has word vomit, wanting Harry to know exactly how he feels, with no miscommunication.

"Lou, calm down, I know how taboo it is to be gay in the sporting world, especially in team sports. I don't want you to come out if you're not ready."

“But it would be really hard for you in the long run, always being seen as my friend.” Louis pouts, his lips are puffy and red from the kissing and it takes all of Harry’s self control not to throw himself at him.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it ok. Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

Louis’ face lights up and his grin goes from one ear to the other. He pulls Harry in for a massive hug, breathing slightly more heavy than normal from sheer nerves. It’s not often he puts his whole heart out there, and it’s especially not often that the feelings are returned.

There’s always an amount of panic when Louis tells someone that he’s gay, no matter how much he trusts them. There’s the fear that the person is going to reject him entirely, or on the other hand they could run and tell the press, and whilst Louis has a very good PR team who would cover for him and the story would be gone quickly as they would have no proof, it’s hard putting that faith in someone for them to betray him like that.

When Louis leans back out of the hug that went on possibly a little too long, but he doesn’t care, Harry looks at him like he just told him all his dreams would come true, which is incredibly scary to Louis but he tries to ignore it. He knows eventually things will go sour because he always fucks things up but he can at least enjoy it before that happens.

“Lou, can I kiss you?” Harry asks, biting his lip with eyes like a puppy dog, some how managing to look adorable and sexy at the same time.

Louis doesn’t even bother with a reply, just ducks his head straight in attaching his lips to Harry’s. The transition from regular kissing to full on making out takes seconds, Louis finding it hard to contain himself now that he knows Harry feels the same way. Louis circles his hips and grabs at Harry’s shirt, trying to slowly and subtly push it up off his body. He runs his fingers along Harry’s defined stomach. Harry’s rubs his crotch against Louis’ at the feeling of his caress and detaches himself from Louis to pull his shirt off. Harry then takes Louis’ shirt off and sighs gently before leaning up to resume kissing.

As they continue to make out Louis’ technique becomes needier and he hears himself make whining noises he didn’t even know he was capable of making. The next thing he knows Harry is lifting him up, wrapping Louis’ legs around his waist, pulling away and making his way to Louis’ bedroom.

“Sorry, but you know I’m really clumsy. I’d rather lose a few seconds of snogging than drop you or knock your head into a wall or whatever.”

“Shut up.” Louis orders, who then decides Harry’s neck is far too clean and goes to work on marking it like a 15 year old.

“Lou, your flat is far too big, I feel like it’s taking forever to get to your room.”

Louis just nips Harry’s neck in an answer, which goes straight to Harry’s dick. If he wasn’t already hard it would’ve made him solid as a rock. Ok so Harry might have a slight pain kink, but he wasn’t about to let Louis know that quite yet.

Harry places Louis on his bed and lies down beside him. Louis returns to his position before, much preferring to be in control of the situation after letting himself be so reckless with his feelings earlier on.

"Can I blow you?" Harry asks with eyes wide with lust. He can't even think straight with Louis on top of him.

Louis breathes in sharply. "Do you really think I'm going to say no to that?" He flips over and spreads his legs leaving Harry enough space to crawl in between.

Harry makes quick work pulling Louis' jeans down to his knees, in too much of a rush to take them off the whole way. Louis' jeans are super tight but Harry's are tighter so he's an old pro at getting them off. He palms the older man through his boxers and returns to Louis' mouth. He can feel how hard Louis is and it just makes him more intent on pleasing him. Louis sucks Harry's tongue into his mouth and groans when Harry strokes him again.

Harry pulls away and wiggles down the bed so he’s pretty much face to face with Louis’ clothed dick. It’s been a while since he’s done this, hopefully he isn’t too out of practice, nothing ruins the mood more than choking. Harry licks his lips after he pulls Louis’ boxers down, Louis’ cock springing right up to his belly. He looks up at Louis as he guides him into his mouth, taking it slowly to start off with.

He watches Louis take a sharp breath as he takes him in further, bobbing his head as he goes. Harry had forgotten how much he loved the feeling of a penis weighing down on his tongue. It’s not a very common thing for someone to like giving head so much but Harry loves it, knowing that the moans and convulsing body movements and everything else is all for him leaves him so content.

At times he can literally feel Louis’ blood pumping through his veins. Harry pulls away slightly focussing on the head and looking up at Louis to see him with his head thrown back, chest pounding and moaning involuntarily. All he wants is to see Louis come, to see what he looks like when completely sexually satisfied.

Intent on Louis coming sooner rather than later he wraps his hand around the base of his shaft and takes him deeper than before. Louis’ hand tangles in Harry’s hair.

“Harry, I’m gonna-” He tugs Harry’s curls sharply, as a warning but Harry swallows it all. He realises pretty quickly that he had been rubbing himself against the mattress and was pretty close as well.

Louis pulls him up and puts his hand down the front of his boxers and jacks Harry off whilst going back to Harry’s mouth, tasting himself on his tongue.

Harry comes in his jeans a few seconds later, moaning very loudly as Louis kisses his jaw and his neck.

“Can I keep you? That’s probably the best blowjob I’ve ever had,” Louis asks. Harry grins and tucks himself into Louis neck. “Stay over?”

Harry nods slowly, already beginning to fall asleep feeling sated and happy. He feels Louis pull his jeans off, pulling the duvet up around them and spooning him before he drifts off.

 

Harry wakes up the next morning feeling a little too warm, Louis’ duvet is probably way too thick for two people in the middle of summer, butLouis’ body feels good next to him despite the heat. He would love to just stay in bed until Louis were to wake up, but his stomach is clenching uncomfortably so he decided to wander into the kitchen and make breakfast. Louis’ fridge is shockingly bare, but he manages to find the ingredients for eggy bread and gets on with making it.

He’s not too sure how he’s feeling after what had happened the night before. Obviously he’s pretty happy about Louis liking him back and not falling for another straight guy, but he isn’t sure if Louis is in it for the long run with the way he was talking about his career. Harry would not want Louis to put him before his career ever because he knows how hard Louis worked to get to where he is now although he isn’t sure if he’d be able to handle it if they were to get a few months down the line at which point Harry could be in love with him and Louis broke up with him because they’re relationship was endangering his career.

In all honesty Harry is shit scared of the future and always has been, he hates not knowing exactly what is going to happen. All he knows is that he wants Louis to be in his life regardless of what their relationship is.

After about fifteen minutes Louis wanders in in only a pair of boxers scratching his head and blinking slowly. He walks up to Harry and pecks him on the lips then peers into the pan that Harry is using.

“What are you making?” Louis wraps his arms around Harrys bare waist, running his hands along his hipbones.

"French toast."

"Ohhhhh I could really grow to like you a lot." Louis moans at the thought.

"You don't already?" Harry asks in a slightly childlike voice, he continues on with his movements despite there being a rugby player literally attached to him like a koala bear. He's definitely not complaining about this, considering he was worried Louis was going to have a complete change of heart come morning.

“Honestly? I’m pretty smitten.” Louis presses an open mouth kiss to Harry’s neck, nipping as he pulls away to go get plates and cutlery.

Harry is so glad that Louis wears boxer briefs because it would be such a shame to let that arse be drowned by a pair of regular boxers. He stares a little too long and Louis notices it and winks at him, pointing at the frying pan. And yeah Harry was very close to burning their breakfast.

“I like that you appreciate my bum, love, but don’t burn the food!”

Harry blushes and plates up their toast.

“Do you want some tea?” Louis asks, pouring hot water into a mug. Harry somehow completely missed Louis filling up the kettle. He probably did it when Harry was ogling him.

“No. Do you have orange juice though?”

“Yeah sure.” Louis giggles. “Are you trying to make me feel like even more of a cradle robber.”

“Shut up. I’m only two years younger than you.”

They eat their food and talk about benign things like how their weeks have been so far and what they have planned for the next few days. They play footsie for the entire time and Harry isn’t sure he’s ever smiled so much over such a short period of time in his whole life, and yeah, he feels like he’s 12 years old with his first ever crush again but he had convinced himself that this was never going to happen; he had been so sure that Louis would never like him back but he had been wrong and he’s never been so happy to be wrong.

“So… all the girls you’re seen with…?” Harry reluctantly asks as he puts his knife and fork together after finishing his food and leans back in the chair, fidgeting with the table cloth. Yes, shockingly, Louis has a table cloth.

Louis sighs and visibly cringes. “They’re girls my management sets me up with to hang out with and look like I’m dating for a couple weeks. Apparently it’s better to be a womaniser than gay in this world we live in. So I have beards, and it’s… it is what it is. Most of the girls they set me up with are lovely. I just wish it didn’t have to happen at all. But being a gay rugby player is completely unheard of until you’re retired and even then it’s so rare. It’s not like I want to grab all my teammates junk. I’m not even in the scrum so the only time I’d be touching them is in a ruck.”

“I suppose people are going to believe what they’re told rather than their gut feeling. I mean I probably should’ve totally picked up that things weren’t totally what they seemed, Zayn certainly did. You were always a lot more tactile with me than any of the women I ever saw you with when I was on the Daily Mail website.”

“Oh God. Please tell me you will never return to that site again. They’re a horrendous company, they’re not even a newspaper, it’s all lies and gossip and slander. The only reason they get so many “exclusives,” Louis does physical quote marks with his fingers, “about me is because they know about my sexuality and management pay them off with stories about me to keep that secret quiet.”

Harry leans forward and grabs Louis’ hand off the table, and strokes his knuckles. “I’m sorry, that’s so shit. I promise I will never visit the Daily Mail online.”

“Don’t apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I know, but I don’t really know what to say, I want to apologise for the homophobia of the whole world.”

Louis smiles fondly at Harry. “You’re so precious Haz, if only more people were like you.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t be as precious.” He grins as if he was cheesing for a camera.

“Ok, so this date...?”

“Yeah um I don’t mind what we do. Obviously we can’t do anything that will put your career in danger or whatever.”

“Well we could do something that isn’t inherently like a date, or we could stay in. That seems like such a cop out though because all we do is stay in. I could cook you a meal? That never happens so that would be pretty special.”

Harry laughs wholeheartedly. “That sounds really nice actually. I’ll bring some wine.?”

“Are you free Friday?”

“I’m at work until 7 but I can come over after that?”

“Sound perfect.” Louis grins. He picks up their plates and gets started on the dishes, Harry heads to the bedroom and gets dressed. He heads home to get changed for work but makes sure to kiss Louis on the cheek goodbye. And then maybe a few times on the mouth.

 

Their date goes very well. Harry arrives at Louis’ flat at around 7.30 after a really tough day at work. The small cafe/bakery that Harry works at during the year at uni is a lot less busy in the summer; whilst there are students still there for either summer school classes or studying in the library for resits, there is significantly less, so Harry doesn’t get as much work. He gets work in random restaurants each summer to continue earning money as he doesn’t have the cushion of his student loan.

He knocks on the door with a bottle of wine. He had made sure to check what Louis was planning on cooking for dinner so he could buy the right wine. Louis had said chicken, but was very vague about what he was doing with it, so Harry bought white. Which he was quite happy with as he wasn’t much a fan of red wine.

Louis closes the door behind him and pushes him against the wall, kissing Harry like he hasn’t seen him in a long time. Louis pulls away after a little while and giggles, taking Harry’s hand and leading him to his dining room.

“Sit down. I’ll go get the food and you pour out the wine, hmm?”

Harry does just that and waits with baited breath. Louis brings the food out, placing in front of Harry chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash. It looks near perfect apart from there being no vegetables but Harry didn’t expect Louis to make them. He may be a sports player but he was terrible at eating healthy food.

They talk a little whilst eating, but Harry’s enjoying his food too much to take too many breaks. He’s pleasantly shocked by Louis’ skills in the kitchen. There’s nothing awkward about the segue between friends and whatever the hell is happening with them now. And Harry wishes in a way that he had said something to Louis about how he felt a lot sooner because they possibly would’ve been a lot further ahead in their relationship by now. But what’s important is they’re doing this now. And Harry realises how important it is he stops being so scared to tell people how he feels because he’ll never get anywhere being scared of the possible outcomes. He just needs to do what he thinks will make him happy.

Harry hasn’t seen Louis’ eye crinkles so much in such a short space of time. Louis is probably the best looking when he’s grinning so much that his eyes crinkle, mostly because Harry loves making Louis smile. Making people smile is one of the best feelings but making the person you like smile is even better.

After they finish dinner Louis asks if Harry wants desert as he clears up.

“You made pudding?”

Louis grins before heading to the fridge and pulling out a Marks & Spencers premade desert carton.

“Of course I didn’t. Now do you prefer salted caramel brownie or cheesecake?” Louis jiggles the containers up and down like he’s a gameshow host.

“What kind of cheesecake?” Harry hums.

“White chocolate with raspberry swirl?”

“Definitely cheesecake.” Harry grins.

“Cream?” Louis places the container on the side and grabs bowls out the cabinets above the worktop counters.

“Ooh, yes please!” Harry says, a little more enthusiastically than he meant.

Halfway through eating the cheesecake Harry notices that Louis has a bit of biscuit stuck in his scruff. Instead of informing him of this, Harry leans over and rubs it away. Louis bites his lip and stares into Harry’s eyes with a playful glint in his.

“Since we’ve already gotten each other off can we just skip the whole ‘no kissing on the first date thing’ and get right to the foreplay?” Louis grins unabashedly.

“You don’t fuck around do you?”

“Well it could be said that all I want to do right now is fuck around.” He smirks and pulls Harry in by the collar of his shirt.

The next morning Harry has to steal some of Louis’ sweats before racing home to get ready for his shift at the bakery. Thankfully there’s no paparazzi outside the building as it would be pretty obvious the clothes weren’t his; he’s a few inches taller than Louis and they’ve been seen together enough that he’s a known friend in the press now.

That being said, the way Louis has described his team makes Harry think he could be pictured wearing a shirt that says "I fucked Louis Tomlinson" and people wouldn't believe it. Apparently some people have never heard of beards.

A couple of his coworkers commented on how he was glowing like a pregnant woman, apparently orgasms do that to a person.

 

They seamlessly move from being friends to being a couple, spending the same amount of time together as they did before but with a lot more kissing. Their friends take the absolute piss out of them or how much time they spend together and how they can’t seem to detach, but that’s because they can’t touch each other in public. If they go out for a drink Harry can’t hold Louis’ hand or kiss him on the cheek if he says something hilarious.

He knew exactly what he was getting himself into but that doesn't make it any easier. Harry still goes to every game that Sale play, except now he’s cheering even harder for Louis, and Ed and James aren’t really sure what’s going on as Harry wasn’t sure if they were close enough friends to him for them to be able to know. He’d only told Zayn, his mum and his sister Gemma. He was also going to the English autumn test matches because Louis bought him tickets. Harry had tried to tell him not to and that he would get them himself but his boyfriend had already bought them.

He couldn’t sit with all the other partners of the squad though, whilst they were good seats, they were just regular seats. Which were obviously still great as tickets for games at Twickenham (where the English international rugby squad called home) were super expensive. But Harry couldn’t help but be a little sad that he wasn’t with people who were in a similar position to him.

When they aren’t at practice or work/uni, respectively, Louis and Harry are either at Louis’ ridiculously large apartment or in Harry’s bedroom, not wanting to annoy Zayn with their displays of affection, which Zayn is quite happy about.

Harry feels himself falling for Louis a lot faster than he anticipated. He didn’t expect things to go so well as a couple. He’s a bit terrified if he’s being honest, considering he’s finding the closeting difficult now and it’s only been a couple months. God knows how he’ll be feeling further on down the line.

 

Louis and Harry spend Louis’ birthday on Christmas Eve together as their plans for Christmas Day were to be with their respective families. And whilst both of them are well aware of the relationship the boys thought their relationship was far too young to spend Christmas together.

After Harry gives Louis the first part of his present, a half an hour long rimming, they’re cuddling, playing with their fingers in front of Harry, the little spoon. Even though it’s Louis’ birthday he’s not the one being cuddled because Harry knows that Louis loves being the jetpack and loves feeling like he’s protecting Harry even though they’re only in bed.

“Lou…?” Harry whispers into the air in front of him.

“Yeah love?”

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything.” He hears Louis sharply inhale, he knows what’s coming. “But have you thought at all about coming out recently?”

“Haz, I’m always thinking about it. But I’m still not ready and I don’t know when I will be but when I do know you will be the first person I tell ok?” Louis kisses Harry behind his ear and sighs deeply.

“Ok. I just don’t want it to affect you mentally or anything and like I think the nation is quite aware of how talented you are, I’m sure coming out won’t be as bad as you think it might be.”

“Stop, please. There’s not going to be a discussion about this. There’s been no previous evidence of people reacting well or not to someone who is in the beginning of their career coming out. And I’ve been hiding this for pretty much ten years now and I don’t feel like I’m depressed or anything so don’t worry about it. Can we go for a quick nap now?” Harry doesn’t want to push it anymore. He definitely doesn’t want to have a fight on Louis’ birthday. He thought this would be his best opportunity as Louis was loosened up and relaxed after his orgasms. But Harry didn’t get the answer he wanted.

“Yeah alright. I’m making pasta for your dinner.”

“You know I’m not allowed pasta during the season.” Louis’ tone has returned to the teasing tinkle that Harry is so used to.

“Yes, however it’s your birthday and I’m sure your coach won’t make a big deal about it.”

“Right, if he asks me why I’m a bit bloated tomorrow I’ll give him your address.” Louis nips at his boyfriends neck before settling down on his pillow, breaths evening out after a few minutes.

 

Third year projects are the work of the devil. Having to come up with your own concept of something and then spending a ridiculous amount of time working on it whilst continuing to go to uni and having a social life and a job was not bloody easy. Harry barely ever saw Louis; if he wasn’t working on his project or working or at uni, then Louis was at training or playing a game. Most of the time Harry was at the games, but then he would have to run away afterwards without saying hi to his boyfriend. It’s not like he could be affectionate with him anyway, not in public.

He could see that it was beginning to get to Louis as well. They didn’t text as much and whenever they actually found time to hang out they didn’t talk. They would just fuck around and then either leave or go to sleep. He could see Louis distancing himself but he didn’t even have the time to try and fix it.

And it’s not like Harry can just put his project to the side for a few days. It’s the most important part of his university career and his studies will always come first over his love life, which hopefully Louis can understand.

It really doesn’t help that they’re just stuck inside whenever they do hang out. They can’t go out for a nice dinner or basically be seen anywhere together. They gave up on that idea a few months prior after Harry tried to grab Louis’ hand in public a few too many times. And Louis is at the end of his tether with Harry asking him quite regularly whether he’s decided to come out yet. They’re so busy these days though, that that doesn't really happen anymore.

They’d told each other they loved each other around the time of Harry’s birthday, just as it was all started getting too stressful. And Louis does love Harry still but he’s just finding it so difficult not getting ridiculously angry at Harry for pestering him so much when he knows that Louis can’t just come out at the snap of his fingers. He doesn’t even know if he wants to come out yet. It’s always better to come out whilst in a relationship as well and Louis isn’t even sure if he wants to share his relationship with the outside world when he can already feel it crumbling a little bit.

On top of Harry being stressed about uni, Louis is stressed out about the 6 Nations as he is picked for the starting squad every game. He texts Harry before every game asking him if he’s watching and telling him that he’s freaking the fuck out. Harry can’t travel to Twickenham for the home games let alone go away for the day for an away game. But he always takes two hours out of his strict study regime to make sure Louis is winning and doing him proud. Obviously Louis isn’t the only one winning the game, but Harry only has eyes for his boyfriend.

There’s only two games left of the championship and one of the them is against Scotland for one of the oldest trophies in the sporting world, the Calcutta cup. No matter what shape the teams are in England vs. Scotland is always an incredibly tough match, everyone puts their all into it for the age old rivalry. Louis is significantly more worried about this match as Scotland had been showing incredible form in the Autumn tests and were looking the best they’d looked in a long time. But Harry keeps trying to reassure him that he will be ok, and losing one game would not put his position on the squad for the World Cup in jeopardy.

And then it all goes pear shaped.

Harry, Niall and Liam are hanging out one day at the beginning of March, as Louis was having a meeting with his management team and Harry had some time to spare. They spend a little bit of time together, whenever Harry can find time between his project, work and Louis as he would like to be friends with Louis friends, especially when they’re two of only a small handful of people who actually know the truth.

“So, I take it you’re spending all the time you can with Louis?” Niall suddenly asks after taking a large gulp of Guinness.

“Yeah, I mean my project is my main focus but I think I’m in the last few stages of it, or at least I hope.” Harry mumbles.

“That’s good, there’s less than a month left before he leaves so things must be a little bit tense.” Liam awkwardly laughs.

And Harry is suddenly paying full attention.

“Leaves?”

Panic shoots itself across both Liam and Niall’s faces, immediately knowing that they’ve fucked it up.

“Um, shit… forget I said anything please.” Liam urges resting his head in his hands.

“No I won’t. What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry he never said he didn’t tell you-”

“We were sure he would’ve told you first, asked you even-”

“Please don’t tell him it was us who told you.”

Liam and Niall’s voices all blur into one and Harry’s so confused and he think he might get a headache and his chest feels like it’s going to explode.

“Can someone please just tell me what the fuck is going on?!”

“Louis is going to Australia to play for the Red for the Super 15s after the 6 Nations is finished.” Niall says with a sigh, running his hand through his hair, knowing he’s pretty much just ruined his best friend’s relationship. Though deep down he knows that it’s not his fault, Louis should have told Harry the minute it was on the table.

Harry doesn’t even say anything, he’s in so much shock that he just gets up and leaves. His coat still on the chair he vacated.

He goes wandering around Manchester city centre for a few hours, trying to gather his thoughts on the whole thing. He’s not even sure whether he’s more mad that he wasn’t told by Louis, wasn’t told first, that Louis didn’t even discuss it with him or that it’s been left this late. The Super 15s season started at the beginning of February and lasted till the middle of bloody July. Louis was moving to fucking Australia for 6 months and hadn’t even bothered to tell his boyfriend who he apparently loved.

Harry sees nothing but red. He’s been ignoring every text that Louis has sent him, opting to fight with him in person, because that’s totally the fun thing to do. He stares at the front door to Louis’ building for about two minutes before working up the nerve to press the buzzer. In all honesty he doesn’t even want to see his boyfriend right now he’s that angry.

“Hello?” Louis’ voice crackles over the intercom.

“Hi, can you let me in?”

“Of course.” Harry can hear the smile on Louis’ lips through his voice, obviously happy that Harry has decided to surprise him with a visit. On a normal day Harry would just relent with his anger and hang out with Louis as his smile always calmed him down but not this day.

“Hey babe.” Louis grins after opening the door to his flat.

“When were you going to tell me that you’re moving to Australia?!” He asks, arms crossed, moving past Louis into the flat.

Louis gapes, faltering. “Oh… um… I was - I was going to I promise but I didn’t really know how. It’s the other side of the world and -”

“Yeah Louis, it is the other side of the world, it should not have taken you this long to tell me. You should’ve spoken to me about it before you even signed any contracts.” Harry’s voice gradually getting angrier and louder the longer he talks.

“I didn’t really want to bother you with it. We’ve been fighting so much lately about coming out that I just didn’t want to have another thing to fight about.” Louis mumbles.

“And yet here we are.” Harry’s eyebrows raise to his scalp.

“I thought I would’ve told you before you found out from anyone else.” Louis has never been scared of his boyfriend before but at this moment, he doesn’t want to say anything that could make Harry anymore mad.

“That really worked out for you didn’t it.”

“Harry, I know you’re mad but -”

“Mad?! I’m absolutely furious. I know we’ve been having problems recently but who the fuck doesn’t talk to their boyfriend before signing a contract to, for all intents and purposes, run away to Brisbane?” Harry honestly feels like he’s about to throw up, he’s so upset and angry and his whole body is screaming at him to calm down as he isn’t really breathing properly.

“I’m not running away! I didn’t go looking for this opportunity, they asked me. I was going to ask you what you thought about it but then everything was getting tense and I couldn’t find the right time to mention it.” Louis sighs, he walks to the couch and slouches into the cushions, knowing that he’s screwed everything up beyond repair.

Harry’s eyes widen to an almost comical size. “Wait so you’re saying you knew about this before the arguments started?”

“Yeah.” Louis brings his hands to his face, holding the bridge of his nose. “I’m just digging my own grave here, aren’t I?”

“I just don’t understand what you thought was going to happen? That I would just sit here and take it? That I’d watch you leave to go have the time of your life and wait for you to come back so we could carry on being closeted?”

“I told you from the beginning that I couldn’t come out! You were fine with it! I can’t just come out because you decide you’re tired of hiding. It doesn’t work like that Harry.” He’s back on his feet. “You knew I wouldn’t come out until I felt ready and I’m really not impressed with you pressuring me all the time.”

“So you thought you would punish me by literally going to the other side of the world?”

“No that wasn’t why I agreed to go. I just wanted to prove myself before the world cup and I was going to speak to you about it I promise, but it just felt like every time I opened my mouth we would have another fight. And then you just got completely snowed under with uni work and I didn’t want to waste the time we had together talking about serious stuff.

“My relationships have never lasted this long in the past and it felt like this one was falling apart so I just kind of felt like why bother with the aggro when it’ll probably finish before I even have to deal with it all. I obviously know that that was a big mistake now.” Louis runs a hand through his hair and looks up at Harry. “I know I’ve fucked up a lot here and I’m not going to ask for you to wait for me or anything like that, but you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me Haz and I’m just really sorry that I’m such a fuck up.”

Harry is so close to crumpling and just accepting Louis’ apology but he won’t let himself.

“Louis I can’t accept your apology. Not now anyway. I’m so angry. I just don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me about it at all or mention it. I know the whole deal with your dad and stepdads has given you major commitment issues,” Louis grimaces but doesn’t contest Harry’s words, “But this is so out of order. Have fun in Australia Lou and I really do hope that you play well but I’m done.”

Harry turns and walks out the open door. Louis’ neighbours probably heard every single word of their fight but Harry can’t even summon the energy to give a damn. He just broke up with his boyfriend who he was so gone for after having his heart broken. All he wants to do in this moment is curl up in bed and get hugs from his mum whilst he cries.

 

Harry pretty much spends a week in bed after his fight with Louis. Refusing to talk to Zayn apart from saying thank you whenever he brings him food or drinks. His mum keeps calling him despite him sending her texts so she doesn’t have to hear how sad he is.

All he can think about is Louis running around Australia, getting to know all the fit players and having the time of his life while Harry is wallowing in his own filth. He goes to work when he has shifts but the minute he’s done he’s heading right back to his bed again. They had only been together for a few months but Harry fell hard and fast. Like he always seems to which is exactly why he didn’t want to like Louis in the first place. Ok so not the exact reason. The real reason had been that he thought Louis was straight but he didn’t want to like him because he falls hard and fast. Which wouldn’t have been good had Louis been straight. But this probably hurt about ten times worse than unrequited love.

Zayn’s pretty much sick of it and wants his best friend back. He’s at the point where he would go to Australia and kick seven shades of shit into Louis, if he had the money. He makes sure that he gives Harry a cuddle every day because he knows Harry well enough to know that Harry always needs physical contact, especially when he’s sad.

Harry hasn’t got much further in his project; whenever he sits at his desk, wrapped in his duvet, he can’t find the motivation to start writing. He’s done all the practical work, he just needs to write it up. But he can’t even do that.

After Louis actually leaves the country (he knows the date because the night before it he’s invited to a leaving party by Niall and Liam which he expectedly says no to, but it was nice to be invited anyway) Harry phones in sick for a few days. Not even wanting to leave his flat for a few seconds let alone hours.

He obviously can’t watch rugby to take his mind off things as the commentator would just keep talking about Louis and it would remind him of Louis regardless. He thoroughly regrets involving himself with Louis as it’s now ruined his favourite sport for him.

After a few weeks Harry eventually gets back into the flow of his regular life or what it would’ve been like had he not spent the past few months with Louis. He tries not to think about his ex-boyfriend and in turn doesn’t do much except go to work, do his project, study and watch movies with Zayn. He cuddles into Zayn during these times, having become used to physical contact when watching a screen for long periods of time. And also as a way of an apology for being so shit the past few weeks.

He phones his mother for the first time in a month and he swear he can hear her crying, and for that he feels terrible, knowing she was worried about him when he was fine, really only a little sad.

Zayn doesn’t really mention Louis until he knows Harry has recovered mostly and even then he does so in passing, commenting about his playing in a match between the Reds and the Crusaders or when he talks about Niall and Liam, who remain friends with the pair of uni students, despite their best friend being an idiot.

Things seem to be getting back to normal really. Harry sorts his shit out quickly enough not to fuck up his project and he sits his last exams in May and passes with a 2:1. His graduation isn’t until October though so he has to just spend his days working and searching for jobs for his degree.

The Reds do a hell of a lot better than they had done in previous years and Harry tries to fight the swell of pride that builds in his chest knowing that it has to be partially down to Louis, but he can’t help it. Louis had still been an important part of his life and even though things had ended badly, it was still a good feeling to see him doing so well.

Louis returns to the UK in July to start training with the England international team for the world cup. Thankfully for Harry, Louis doesn’t come visit him or try to fix everything. Though Harry is slightly saddened that Louis doesn’t want to try one last time. Harry knows he wouldn’t take him back at this point and is glad that he’s respecting his boundaries.

At the beginning of August, Harry gets a call from Ed telling him that there’s an opening in the filming company he works for. Whilst it isn’t exactly the job Harry had wanted to be going into with a degree and the hours weren’t great and neither was the pay, he knew that this is how you get to the higher up, well paid jobs in entertainment, by working your way up through the ranks. And the bad hours meant that he could keep his job at the cafe, which had become his second family in the years that he studied at Manchester. By the end of August Harry had been interviewed and informed that he had been hired for the job and would be starting at the beginning of September. Things in his life were about to change and he’s shit scared but at least he still has Zayn with him.

 

The World cup is due to start in the middle of September and there’s some fancy ‘do supposed to be happening which, of course, Zayn and Harry have been invited to by Niall and Liam. Harry had immediately said no, wound being too fresh still to be able to see Louis in person. Which he knew he would have to do because Liam and Niall would be the only people at that party that they knew and they were Louis’ best friends.

“Please Harry, I don’t want to go on my own. I doubt you’ll even see him, he’ll be going around the room telling everyone about his exploits in Australia.” Zayn begs a week before the event is supposed to happen.

“No Zayn, I don’t want to go ok?”

“But you’d be able to mingle with all the best rugby players, you might meet Dan Carter.” Zayn knew how to tug on Harry’s heart strings. He knew Dan Carter was Harry’s ultimate crush and meeting him would be a dream come true.

“But what if I end up having to talk to Louis?” Harry grimaces. He can just about stomach the thought of watching him on the tv, but talking to him was in another realm entirely.

“I promise you that if I see him coming our way I’ll swiftly move us away.”

“Oh alright then.”

Zayn cheers, having wanted to go to the party but not alone as he didn’t want to follow Liam and Niall around like a lost puppy all night. And if he had Harry with him he would probably hold him back from kicking the ever loving shit out of Louis for breaking his best friend’s heart.

 

It’s times like these that Harry regrets introducing his friends to Louis’ friends because of course they know where the English rugby team are partying to celebrate the start of the world cup. And of course this is where Harry has ended up for the night.

Harry notices himself looking around every few seconds; the paranoia has begun to set in. He could have just said no to the guys, but he didn’t want to be that person who bails on someone just because they’re avoiding their ex. He’d like to think he’s a better person than that. However his current behaviour would suggest otherwise.

Louis had played really well and if things were different Harry would’ve immediately texted him telling him this, but he wasn’t quite ready to contact Louis. But apparently his friends didn’t think about this and here he was in a bar in London waiting for the inevitable.

After a few rounds the pressure on Harry’s bladder becomes impossible to ignore and he moves from his comfort zone in the dark corner of the booth the group had settled in. As he walks into the bathroom he walks right into someone else.

“Oops.” He mutters before moving to get out of the way but a hand on his wrist stops him.

“Hi.” And of course it would have to be a voice he would be able to place anywhere.

“Hey Louis.”

“How uh… how have you been?”

“Ok yeah, I’ve just been applying for jobs and stuff. They don’t quite prepare you for the whole unemployment thing. How was Australia?”

“Great, I got a lot of experience playing in a different style and with different people.”

“Thats great.” Harry smiles half heartedly, hoping the awkwardness will be over soon.

“Yeah…” Louis pauses, glancing around the room. “Actually who am I kidding. I was bloody miserable. Everyday I was close to texting you or emailing you or calling you but I knew you wouldn’t want that. And I’m not expecting you to say anything now and I’m sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position right now but I’ve missed you so much. I’m such a fucking moron. I don’t know what I was thinking. You were probably the best thing to ever happen to me to be honest, and that includes the first time I played for England.

“I was just scared. Rugby is all I’ve ever known and its always just been me making decisions. I’ve never had someone else to think about when it came to stuff like that because I wouldn't let myself get close to anyone because I knew it would get complicated. And I was so frustrated because I thought you didn’t understand that rugby was my everything, or had been until you came along. And I didn’t want to jeopardise that. Which, in hindsight, I realise wouldn’t have mattered because I would’ve had you.

“It’s taken me this long, at the age of 23, to realise that I’m never going to be truly happy if I’m not completely myself. And I’m just so sorry that you got caught up in everything I was going through, but I probably wouldn’t have come to the realisation this soon if it hadn’t been for you.”

Harry just stares into Louis’ eyes, uncertain over what to do and what to say, and maybe just slightly entranced by the blue irises he hasn’t looked into in a long time.

“I don’t expect you to say anything Haz, I hope I can still call you Haz, I know what I did wasn’t the best but I was under so much pressure and I’m sure you understand that. I’m probably going to come out after the World Cup. I figure if I show them what I can do on the pitch, it shouldn’t matter what my sexuality is. Obviously I want you back, I’m still in love with you, but if you don’t want that I would love for us to be friends. But it’s up to you, I can totally respect if you don’t even want anything to do with me again.”

Louis sighs now that he’s finished talking, taking a breath after the emotion he just laid out there and the largest amount he’s probably every spoken in one sitting. He looks hopefully at Harry, who is still in shock. Harry opens his mouth a few times, like a goldfish, not being able to think or come up with the right words.

“I… I really need to piss.”

“O-o-okay?”

“That’s not me rejecting you. I just need a wee.”

“Go ahead.”

After zipping back up and washing his hands Harry turns back to Louis at a loss for words. It’s difficult to make an important decision when it’s sprung on you like that.

“Ok, right.” Harry looks at Louis and sees so much hope and fear in his eyes. He’s not going to turn him down, there’s too much history between them, but he isn’t entirely sure if a relationship with Louis is what he needs right now. He already has so much on his plate with job hunting whilst still working at his already shitty job. There is also the matter of refusing to go back to being in the closet with Louis, though Louis had said that he was planning on coming out after the world cup, but that remains to be seen.

Harry still loves Louis but you can’t just forget being betrayed after putting so much trust in a person. Things would not be perfect even if Louis were to come out. He also doesn’t want to pressure him into coming out because that’s not something to mess around with, coming out is scary.

He opens his mouth to tell Louis what he’s thinking but someone walks in through the door. If the situation were different, Harry probably would have picked up on the person being Dan Carter and Louis saying “hello mate” to him but Harry was too focussed on figuring out exactly what to say without making the situation any more uncomfortable than it already was. Eventually Dan leaves the toilet, he seemed to take entirely too long washing his hands, patting Louis on the shoulder as he goes.

“I need to think about this, I can’t make a decision like that on the spot. I would love to speak to you though, going from texting you all the time to never was really difficult. I have missed you Lou.”

“Of course we can talk, I’m really busy right now with training and everything, obviously, but I’ll always reply.” Louis smiles softly.

“I’m not saying no, I’m just not sure if I can say yes. It was really tough for me, having to hide our relationship, and you know that. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you out though because it’s entirely up to you whether you feel safe and comfortable enough to do that. And I’m really sorry that I wasn’t too good about that before, I was just frustrated. I will think about this though and get back to you when I’ve figured it out. I’m sorry I can’t give you an ans-”

“Don’t apologise, I can appreciate it’s not something you can decide in a second. I knew you would have to think about it. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much, you always think long and hard about the best option and how to do something with the least amount of people getting hurt. I really admire that in you, especially since I can be such a spontaneous little shit sometimes.”

Harry crumbles a little bit, always a sucker for someone telling them what they like about him. Louis looks at him the way he always did, a little glimmer in his eye and a quiet, fond smile on his lips.

“You’re like my favourite person ever, to be honest with you H and I just really wish I hadn’t put us in this situation. You didn’t deserve it all. You’re like… like the sun. And I know how cliché that is but you’re so bright and so beautiful and I’m so sad that what happened between us burnt you out a little. I never meant for that to happen.”

Despite what Louis has just said about Harry never making a split second decision, he makes one. He wraps his hand around the back of Louis’ neck and pulls him in, pressing their lips together for the first time in 9 months. He still tastes exactly how Harry remembers and his lips are just as soft.

Louis’ hands come to rest on Harry’s hips after relaxing into the kiss. It isn’t until Louis’ tongue caresses Harry’s bottom lip that he realises exactly what he has just started and pulls away abruptly.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t- This doesn’t change my decision. I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s ok. I’m just going to go. Tell your family I said hello or whatever and just let me know when you’ve figured out what you want to do.” Louis waves and then shuffles out the door of the bathroom.

And after that Harry seems to get a text from Louis every few days, which he replies to immediately and then regrets after, wondering if he should really be this nice to his ex-boyfriend who broke his heart.

There’s never anything too heavy in the messages, just a lot of anecdotes about Louis’ day. Harry often wishes Louis luck for his matches in the world cup which seems to be working as England has won nearly every game in their pool round with one left to go against Uruguay. They narrowly lost to Australia by a penalty, and of course the papers blame it on Louis since he had made friends with a few of the guys on the Aussie team and that meant to the public that he had been going soft on them. Which was complete bullshit, there’s more than just one player on a rugby team and even though it pains Harry to admit it, Australia had played a little bit better than England that day.

Louis seems to know his boundaries when it comes to talking to Harry. They haven’t had a proper serious conversation about everything yet so he knows that he needs to keep it light hearted and make sure a joking tone is always apparent even though Harry can always tell when Louis is being sarcastic. He appreciates Louis trying though.

Harry watches the games for the world cup on tv as he didn’t manage to get any tickets in the first ballot and then when they went on general sale they were all far too expensive. At the time he had been with Louis as well so he’d hoped Louis would be able to get him tickets. Watching on the tv is fine though, in a way it gives you a much better view of it all as you get it from all camera angles. You just don’t get the same atmosphere. He probably wouldn’t have been able to get the time off work anyway.

Louis keeps him posted on any squad changes before they’re officially announced. Harry isn’t sure if that’s Louis trying to butter him up in a way but he isn’t complaining. He also complains about some of the players he doesn’t like and let’s Harry in on the changing room gossip.

And maybe Harry is letting Louis back in a little too quickly, but currently they’re only friends and hopefully Louis knows that. It’s just difficult figuring out what is actually happening between them and whether one of them is being too friendly or is crossing the line into flirty because there was never a time when they had to worry about that. He isn’t even certain if he wants to stop Louis from being in his life like that anyway. His mind is heavily conflicted remembering how hard it was being in the closet and how much it hurt when Louis disappeared to Australia, but then he also remembers the fun they had and the fantastic sex and how Louis made him feel so loved when things were going good. He really needed to just sit to himself and think about it all, which he’d been doing anyway and wasn’t exactly getting any further. He hopes that fate will decide for him because he’s always been a little bit indecisive and it’s even worse when it’s a big decision to make.

 

England manage to get to the final, it’s mostly down to Louis, but Harry doesn’t want to admit that, Louis’ ego is already big enough. Though Harry can’t help but think of what Louis said about wanting to prove that he was a good player before coming out. He certainly has proven himself.

The day before the final match Harry receives an envelope through his door containing two tickets to the match along with train tickets to Twickenham and a hotel reservation.

“Zayn!”

Zayn’s footsteps are quick, probably thinking there’s something wrong; Harry doesn’t often yell for him, opting to text even if they’re just a few rooms away.

“What’s up?” Zayn asks when he reaches the landing, eyes latching onto the envelope in Harry’s hands.

“We’re going to the England - New Zealand game tomorrow.”

Zayn’s eyebrows rise so high they nearly touch his hairline.

“That explains why Louis texted me for the first time in months last week asking if we still had the same address.”

“Holy shit. We’re going to the world cup final. Jesus, how much must this have cost him? I assume he either got the tickets for free or majorly discounted. But the hotel, this is for the Marriott.”

“Mate, after the month he’s had, I’m fairly certain he can afford it.”

“Yeah I guess. I still feel bad though.” Harry says with a pout which quickly turns into a grin that he can’t quite fight.

 

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Zayn asks.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Obviously Louis hurt me a hell of a lot, you were there,you saw it. But I think I’ll always have a soft spot for him and he’s trying to make up for it. Maybe it’s a little too late but I didn’t really give him the chance when we were fighting to explain his side of it all.”

“Well okay, but you know I’m always on your side and if he ever does anything to hurt you again tell me and I’ll sort him out.”

Harry looks Zayn up and down, he’s fairly skinny and not exactly built so Harry doubts he would have any chance against an international rugby player, even if he is a Back.

 

Kick off isn’t until 4pm which gives Harry and Zayn enough time to quickly check into their hotel after they get to Twickenham. Which takes quite a while as their train gets stuck on the line for twenty minutes. But thankfully the hotel is right next to the stadium.

Their seats are pretty fucking great as well as Louis booking them into a good hotel. Harry wonders if Louis got the tickets earlier on than he originally thought but that’s a question for another time.

Never in Harry’s life did he think he would go to a Rugby World Cup Final, but here he is, and with two people he knows playing as well. Liam was on the bench after not playing the best of games in the semi finals, most people chalked it up to nerves. Somehow the nerves and pressure just made Louis play even better than before though .

After the national anthems are sung Harry finds his legs shaking like a dog that needs to pee badly. He’s not entirely sure if it’s down to anticipation, nerves for the team winning or nerves for Louis. If he’s being honest with himself though it’s more likely to be the latter.

 

England lose narrowly after spending the whole eighty minutes running themselves ragged. It’s always a daunting prospect though, facing New Zealand in the final. They were lucky to have lost by such a small margin.

Louis is about to have a post match interview with Gabby Logan on the big screen, for some reason, despite not being the captain. Harry isn’t quite sure whether he wants to watch it either, still not used to seeing Louis looking sad.

Louis enters the screen looking slightly forlorn, but smiling with acceptance.

“I have Louis Tomlinson with me, what’s next for you and the team? Obviously it’s not the result you wanted tonight.”

“Yeah Gabby, I mean it’s heart breaking that we lost but we need to remember that most of us are fairly young and we got through to the final. We’re just going to work a lot harder so that we will definitely win next time.”

“I’m sure you’ll win next time. What will you be doing now? Drowning your sorrows?” Gabby laughs.

“Possibly, just depends on whether my ex-boyfriend agrees to take me back or not. Thanks Gabby.” Louis grins at the camera before walking out of shot.

“Did he just…?” Zayn asks turning to an awestruck Harry whose jaw wouldn’t be further from his skull without breaking it.

“What- Do I- Uh…”

“Call him! Don’t leave him hanging. I can’t believe he just casually came out like that. Typical Louis.”

“I can’t call him, he’s still on the pitch. I’m definitely not going all the way down there, there’s been enough dramatics today. I’ll text him or something.”

“No! Call him when they go back down the tunnel, don’t wimp out.”

“I don’t even know what to say though. If I say yes immediately, he’ll think I was waiting for him to come out or something. Which I wasn’t, you know I wanted him to come out when he felt ready.”

“At least tell him you’re proud of him Harry, doing that on live tv for the whole world to see takes some guts, and he clearly did it at least partly because he was hoping he would win you back.”

So Harry sits back down in his seat, knees shaking as he waits for the post-match presentation of the Webb-Ellis cup to be over so he can contact Louis. He should probably be paying more attention to this as it was definitely going to be Richie McCaw’s last ever world cup and he was arguably one of the greatest rugby players ever and he was probably saying something really inspiring as his speech. It’s not like everybody could say they heard Richie McCaw give his last ever speech. Whilst he hadn’t announced his retirement from the sport yet, everyone was expecting it.

When he does tune into the speech ironically he hears the All Black announce his retirement effective immediately, talk about going out on a bang. It’s probably a very good thing he announced it when he did as it will definitely take the heat off Louis. Whether it was McCaw’s plan all along or he had planned to announce it a little later, he’s definitely done something good for Louis.

As the players return to the changing rooms, the stadium is abuzz with conversation about the match, about Louis and about McCaw and Harry isn’t sure how long he should wait before phoning Louis.

Zayn looks at him, eyebrows raised. “Well?”

Harry sighs and reaches to take his phone out of his pocket and calls the scrum-half.

“Haz? You alright?” Louis answers, sounding breathless. Maybe he ran to pick up his phone when he heard it ringing.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you alright?”

“I think so. Did you enjoy the match?” Louis asks and Harry can’t even believe him, as if he hadn’t done something that was going to change everything in the rugby world.

“It was ok. If only you’d won.” Harry pauses, he can hear Louis’ shaky breaths and he knows its not still being out of breath. “You are so brave. I can’t believe you just came out on live tv like that.”

“Thanks.”

“Can we meet up later and talk? I also would really like to give you a big hug.”

“Of course.” Louis’ smile is heard through his words.

“Well you know where I’m staying.”

After saying their goodbyes and hanging up, Harry takes a long gulp of air. He’s going to tell Louis that he wants to get back together, despite promising himself all those months ago he wouldn’t go back to him after how hurt he was. That had been a really stupid promise though; Harry knew deep down that he’d never be able to keep away from Louis.

Zayn puts his arm around Harry’s shoulders and offers him a supportive smile, he knows how hard everything has been for Harry. Hopefully things are about to get better.

 

After Harry receives a text from Louis, alerting him of his arrival downstairs, Harry spends a couple minutes in his room pacing. Zayn had made himself scarce, hiding in the hotel bar until Harry gave him the all clear.

Once the doors of the lift have opened on the ground floor Harry spots Louis immediately and slowly sidles up to him.

“Hey.” Louis says as he shifts back and forth on his toes, and if Harry didn’t know Louis was super nervous he would think it were cute.

“Hi, you played really well today Lou.”

“Shame it didn’t turn out the way I wanted.”

“You win some, you lose some. You did pretty well to get this far. Second best team in the whole world.” Harry grins.

“So did you see the interview?” Louis almost whispers, looking anywhere than Harry’s face.

“You know I did. We spoke on the phone about it, and I’m sure you know that I am so bloody proud of you. I don’t know how you just did that, you were so blasé about it. You’re out now, you don’t need to worry anymore. How does it feel to have that weight off your chest?”

“Incredible. I’m just worried that I’ve fucked it all up. There’s never been an out rugby player who was still playing internationally, let alone someone my age. Am I even going to have a career after this?”

“Of course you are, don’t be silly.” Harry pulls Louis in for a hug and rubs his back slowly. “You showed everyone how great of a player you are, they would be stupid to drop you now.”

“Coaches and players always say they’re for equality but here I am the first out player.”

“It’s ridiculous, but you know what? Maybe you’ll spark something. When young lads see you play at such a high level as an out gay man, maybe they’ll think ‘I want to be like Louis Tomlinson’.”

Louis looks up at Harry with slightly watery eyes. He rubs them with the back of his hand and pulls out of the hug. “I’m really sorry, I don’t know why that just happened.”

“It’s perfectly okay to be emotional Lou, it’s really scary coming out in general, let alone to the whole world.”

“Oh God can you stop saying that? The whole world now knows that I like anal sex.”

“Well to be fair, they shouldn’t assume that you like vaginal sex, heteronormativity isn’t nice.”

“That’s very true.”

“Thank you so much for booking this hotel for Zayn and I and giving us the tickets and everything, you didn’t have to.”

“Well I did really. Knowing you were here helped me. Not just in playing but with that interview. You know you always relax me.”

“Yeah but things aren’t the same as they used to be.”

“I know.”

Louis gives Harry a soft smile and Harry can’t hold himself back anymore. He pulls Louis into his chest and squeezes him as hard as he can without breaking some ribs. Louis sighs, letting his limbs relax.

“I’ve made up my mind, hopefully you’ll still have me.”

Louis takes a second to realise exactly what Harry just said and then he pulls away. “You want me back?”

“Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I’m not too sure how I held out this long. I think your big speech in the bathroom sealed the deal really but I didn’t want to make a decision right then just in case I went on to regret it.”

“I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me that you took a while to figure it out, all I care about is that you want to be with me again even though I treated you like shit.”

Harry sighs and gathers Louis into his chest again. “It’s in the past. We’re trying again with a clean slate.”

“I promise I won’t be such an idiot this time.”

“Okay,” Harry says with a small smile to himself. He breathes in the smell of Louis, finally feeling like everything is right again. Louis’ small frame was meant to be in Harry’s arm, or at least that’s how it felt to him.


End file.
